Documentation
by Emma CS Me
Summary: The Glee club and the Hummel-Hudson household write down the fallout, and look for the causes of an attempted suicide. Finn's.
1. 26th of October

**A/N:** Written for the **glee_angst_meme**; the prompt: "Junior year. The Hummel-Hudson household is rocked by the fallout of an attempted suicide. Finn's."

* * *

26th of October

_Tina_

I don't think any of us really know what's going on.

Well, I mean, we all know what's going on. Finn tried to kill himself; we have been told that many times. It's just not sinking in yet. At least, it isn't for me; maybe it is for some people. Everyone keeps crying – Rachel and Kurt, mostly, but Quinn's also shed a few tears, and he'll never admit it, but _Puck_ was bawling pretty hard when he got here. So maybe it's sunk in for them.

Finn's mom is sitting right next to me; she looks so sad and scared. I'm trying to hide my laptop from her, because I think if she sees how I'm documenting her son's suicide attempt... I don't know. I don't even know why I'm doing this; it feels a little disrespectful, but... I need some kind of record of what's happening. I don't know why; I've never been a diary writer. And it's not like Finn and I were particularly close.

Are. He's not dead yet.

That's not a cliché.

This cannot be happening. I _know_ Finn Hudson; he's a pretty happy guy, despite some incredibly bad luck. I just can't believe he would... Quinn just whispered it was all her fault. Which seems irrational, because if it was her fault, I feel it would have happened a while ago.

However, the baby wasn't born that long ago, so who the fuck knows.

Nobody really seems to know how to respond to that. It's all awkward and quiet. Shit, Carol's–

_Carol_

So, that girl said she was writing up everything that's happening. I think we all should get a say on this. God, this is insane – Finn wouldn't really do this, would he?

Well, obviously, he has. How on Earth could he get into this kind of state without me noticing? While didn't I see something was up?

Fuck, I'm a terrible mother.

I think Puck–

_Puck_

Okay, so Quinn just said this was all her fault. And apparently Carol thinks that too. Well here I am saying: fuck. no.

I don't care what anyone else says, but I _know_ Finn Hudson. And he is not a weak guy. If he's done this, then there is a fucking reason, way bigger than anything we know about. He did _not_ try and off himself because of our drama, okay; he's better than that.

No, Rachel, I'm not crying!

_Rachel_

So apparently, we're all writing up what's going on right not; what Finn did, if he's even going to...

I am _so_ mad at him. How could he do this? Admittedly, he hasn't had the greatest year, but I thought things were _good_ now. I was happy with him, and he seemed happy with me – he seemed happy with everything, everyone. When did he get smart enough to lie to us all that well?

If he was in that much trouble, why didn't he just tell me? I mean, he knew I loved him, right? I would have helped him however I could? He had to know that.

I am so scared. If he... no, I can't let that happen. Finn Hudson is my boyfriend and, whether he likes it or not, I will not let him die. I am going to figure out what's going on, why he did this, and I am going to stay here until I know he's going to be okay.

And when – _when_ he wakes up, I am going to kick his ass for this.

_Artie_

I'm taking the computer from Rachel because she's crying too hard. I'm kind of worried she'll wreck the electronics.

Not that I can blame her, of course. If Tina tried anything like this, I think I'd just... God, this is insane. I mean, it's not like Finn Hudson is your average depression case. He was always our leader; he was one of the more optimistic ones among us – admittedly, not hard at points – so it's hard to understand why he'd be the one to say it's all too much. Admittedly, he's had some bad luck so far, but so has _everyone_ here. I feel sorry for him, but I'm pissed.

Rachel, can I help you kick his ass (despite slight problems with the kicking)?

_Rachel_

Sure, Artie.

_Artie_

Thank you. Anyway, I don't really know what we're doing. I'm not sure we should all be outside the hospital room like this, but no-one seems able to bring themselves to leave. Or sleep. Which strikes me as kind of funny, given Finn did this by stealing his mom's sleeping pills – Brittany said it would have looked and worked better if he'd tried hanging himself. She's unsettling. And nooses are hard to tie.

Great, Mr. Schue is reading over my shoulder and looking worried. NO, MR. SCHUESTER. I AM NOT ABOUT TO HANG MYSELF. RELAX. THIS IS JUST THE KIND OF RANDOM STUFF I KNOW.

_Will_

Thank you, Artie.

I'm not sure how appropriate it is that I'm even here, but his family haven't kicked me out yet, so that's that. We're all just waiting for the news; wanting to hear that things will change; that he's going to be okay. None of us know what we'll do if he's not. I sure as hell don't.

...Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's inappropriate for me to be as emotionally invested as I am, but what can you do, really? Finn Hudson is one of ours. One of my Glee club, and if he dies...

Fuck. This is impossible.

_Brittany_

Isn't that a type of shoe?

_Kurt_

Brittany, there are times when your idiocy is amusing, endearing and adorable. Now is not one of them.

_Brittany_

...Sorry, Kurt.

_Santana_

Leave her alone, Hummel.

_Tina_

Hey, guys, have that fight in reality! You're not documenting anything.

Okay, kicked that off my laptop. Not sure what to say, really.

_Kurt_

I found him.

Yeah, just stole this back from Tina – she was just letting it rest there; apparently she'd run out of things to say. Well I haven't.

I found him. In that guest room we cleared out for him; still as a log. That was no surprise, Finn sleeps like that, but – I couldn't yell him awake – Microsoft grammar check, stop telling me that's wrong. I couldn't shake him awake. He was... kind of cold; he wasn't breathing properly. I mean, he was _breathing_, but they were shallow, slow. I could see tear-marks on his face.

Then I saw the water and pill packet beside him.

It... this... It _hurts_; I feel like something's cutting up my insides. I think everyone else feels like that too, but right now the pain is just driving me insane. I keep thinking I should have noticed something, anything that could warn me he was about to do this. Fuck it, why did none of us notice anything? Me, Carole, Dad, Rachel, _anyone_ who cared about him?

Fuck it, I'm talking like he's already dead. Which he's not. You're all very loudly insisting that.

Which isn't a cliché at all, is it?

_Rachel_

Shut up, Kurt. You prefer we just give up hope?

_Kurt_

God, Rachel, can we _not_ fight right now? There are more important things to focus on.

_Rachel_

I agree, but don't attack me.

_Kurt_

…Whatever. I think I'll give this back to Tina now.

_Tina_

Just asked if we'd all be here again tomorrow. Everyone said yes. Look out for your next chapter.


	2. 27th of October

27th of October

_Tina_

Day two. Nothing's changed; he's still just lying there in a coma. I didn't get much sleep last night, admittedly – I was just worrying. Maybe I'm not that close to him, but he _is _my friend, and this is terrifying.

Kurt hasn't said anything so far today – we all make small talk, but right now he's just staring at the wall. We kind of think something happened at the Hummel-Hudson household – maybe they found a note or something, I don't know. Not of us have the guts to _ask_ him, he's not volunteering the information, and Burt and Carole aren't here right now. They were for a while before, but then they had work. Besides, it wasn't really any easier talking to them than it was – is – with Kurt right now.

Speaking of adults and work, Mr. Schue, why are you here right now, and not at work?

_Will_

Well, why are _you_ all here, and not at school? That _is_ my work. I'm valuing this above it; same as you guys are.

_Puck_

Yeah, but you get paid.

_Tina_

HOLY CRAP WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?

_Will_

Why are we having this conversation on your laptop, and not in speech like normal people who are less than a foot from each other?

_Tina_

Sake of the document.

_Puck_

And dude, don't you have like, professional duties to the kids at school who aren't as awesome as us? And won't Figgins like, tear your head off or something?

_Will_

I said I'm sick. I don't think he'll believe me, but there's no way he can prove it – Finn's more important than all that anyway.

_Puck_

Even if it's not like being here actually _does_ anything, anyway? Because – no offense Mr. Schue – but that... kinda seems a little inappropriate.

_Will_

...I'm taking this laptop away from you now. You too Tina, and stop pouting – you started this and WHY AM I STILL HAVING THIS CONVERSATION ON A COMPUTER SCREEN?

_Artie_

Latest casualty of the war on electronics. Duh.

_Will_

For the benefit of the document, I am rolling my eyes right now.

Stop smirking, Tina.

_Tina_

-smirks-

_Will_

Hey, I kicked you off this laptop!

_Kurt_

Guys? I know how you're all thrilled to have your wacky cyber-adventures, but given how we're all here because my stepbrother-to-be tried to kill himself and we're all still waiting for him to either die or wake up already, mind cutting it out?

_Tina_

...Sorry Kurt... and you just told me "For God's sake, stop typing everything," so I'll do so.

_Santana_

Okay, it's been like, a couple of hours since they stopped having their great debate, and Kurt is death-glaring me, but STFU, bitch, because I'm actually using this thing for its purpose. I'm documenting the Finn thing. Or just, like, venting, because it's not like anyone here really likes me except Britt, and it's hard to tell your big issue to people who hate you. Typing = easy. I mean, Berry will still probably rip my head off, but whatever.

So, here's the thing: I think this might kinda be my fault.

Okay, sometimes I thing the guys I fuck? Aren't quite ready for it. Finn kinda fell under that category, and not just because he came in like, ten seconds. It's just, like – he didn't look like he had the happy after, which wasn't exactly a great boost to my self-esteem, but whatever. And now, like, he and Berry are together, and even if he's a moron and she's a crazy bitch, they're way too high-school perfect, y'know? And it seems like they should be each other's first time, and who does Berry think she's fooling by saying she fucked St. Douchebag anyway?

Okay, she _probably_ could convince Finn himself. But he's an idiot.

Then again, he's the idiot who may or may not be dying, so that might be relevant.

So the thing is, even if it makes me want to barf, there sugary-sweet love does seem like the sort of thing they should lose the big V together for. But they didn't, because I took his, and I've got a feeling that he regretted it. Like it made him not good enough for her or something, and wow, not good enough for Rachel Berry. That's something I'd never thought I'd say.

And Rachel _has_ been strutting around like a chick who's just lost her v-card and had it go awesomely for the last couple of weeks, so if _any_ of this crazy shit is right, that's probably relevant. I'm not like, certain though, and I should probably ask her...

_Artie_

Okay, some time has passed since this was last touched, and because no-one else is going to, I'm writing down what just happened. For the sake of the document. And if this thing is meant to tell the story of Finn's suicide attempt (hopefully it'll be 'attempt'. And what is the purpose of this exactly, Tina?), what just happened _might_ be important.

So, the story is: Santana just out of the blue asked if Rachel and Finn had... you know... yet. In front of everyone. Including Mr. Schue. Which wasn't bizarrely out-of-nowhere and morbidly embarrassing at all.

Okay, reading (or skimming, because I only have so much time) over the above section, it might not be so much with the out of nowhere.

Anyway, Rachel was about as humiliated as you'd expect for a little while. Then she kind of started panicking and asking if that meant it was her fault; if she wasn't good enough so Finn did this. Which would be one _massive_ overreaction. Honestly, that just seems to be a sign of slightly worrisome self-esteem problems.

Santana told her to shut the fuck up, because she's nice that way.

Then Santana admitted _she_ had slept with Finn, last year. And apparently, she thinks by doing that she damaged his self-esteem somehow, which, combined with all the pressure he's had over the last year, caused him to... well, you know. She thought if he'd slept with Rachel, who was a virgin, he'd have felt bad about _not_ being one.

And Rachel said they did sleep together, and she had told him she lied about being with Jesse. Apparently he was cool with it. Quinn asked why the hell he even believed her about that in the first place; no-one else did.

Rachel said that Finn was naive and he trusted her, which must have been the only time ever those were given as reasons your boyfriend _did_ believe you slept with another guy.

Then Kurt pointed out he didn't think that would be what made him do this, and Santana said she didn't think that was _it_ either; then Puck starting going on about something and I sort of zoned out because listening to Puck only ever leads to me doing something stupid and getting Tina pissed at me.

Right now, Rachel's trying really hard not to look heartbroken. Which she is failing epically, and I feel bad for her. Hold on, she's reaching for the laptop -

_Rachel_

Okay, yes, I don't want to say it aloud, so I'll type it. I feel horrible that Finn slept with Santana Lopez before me. I feel horrible that he _lied_ to me about it the day after it happened, although I recognize the slight hypocrisy due to the fact that I also lied about my sexual behavior. But this is different. I especially feel horrible because he didn't tell me the truth _before_ we slept together, after I had come clean to him.

So yes, I feel bad about that. I'm hurting and angry and upset. However, I was _already_ hurting and angry and upset with Finn because he tried to kill himself, which is significantly more serious. I can understand his reasons for lying to me, and sort of for sleeping with her in the first place – again, it hurts. But when he wakes up, I'm not using it as a reason to dump him or anything.

I just wish this wasn't happening, you know?

_Tina_

...Okay, Rachel just made me read her section out for her. I would have gone back to my stutter, but I don't think Artie would have been happy about that.

Crap, he just read that and is death-glaring me now. ARTIE, I WAS KIDDING.

And now everyone's looking at me strangely. Thanks, Rachel.

_Will_

I feel compelled to add I just found out more about my students' sex lives than I ever wanted or needed to know. That, Puck, is inappropriate.

_Puck_

...Okay, you win dude.

_Quinn_

For the record – because this _is_ the record – Santana? This is not your fault, and we don't hate you.

_Rachel_

Seconded.

_Santana_

Thanks. You're a massive fucking hypocrite, Q, but thanks.


	3. 28th of October

28th of October

_Tina_

Day three. He is, unsurprisingly, still not awake. We're all a little affected by the awkward revelations about Santana and all, but he might die, so... we really don't care that much. This? Really sucks.

_Rachel_

Any further news?

_Tina_

No, at least not as far as I know. Why would I be the one to know if anything happened anyway?

_Rachel_

Well, it was more of a general invitation to everyone. You know, just... if anyone knows anything.

_Puck_

You could have just said that aloud, you know.

_Rachel_

I didn't feel like it. Besides, sake of the record and all that.

_Kurt_

You realize this is ridiculous, right?

_Tina_

What?

_Kurt_

This typing everything you want to say thing. Ridiculous.

_Tina_

Is he going to electronically yell at us again?

_Kurt_

I did not yell at you. I chastised you. There's a difference.

_Mercedes_

Kurt, honey, leave it alone. This writing everything out thing is making all the things we need to talk about suck a little bit less.

_Kurt_

Finn may or may not be dying. Why is that a good thing?

_Puck_

HUMMEL. None of us are happy about this, okay? We're all freaking. So let up and stop acting like a self-righteous douche. And if you don't approve of this whole document thing, why the hell are you writing on it anyway?

_Kurt_

Only way everyone will listen, I think. Not that it matters. I'll leave you guys alone now.

_Puck_

Wow. He's even more pissy than usual.

_Will_

He's worried, Puck. He cares a lot about Finn. He's taking it personally. I think it's my teacherly duty to go talk to him...

_Artie_

Mr. Schue's filling that teacherly duty right now. Speaking of which, we should all _really_ be at school.

_Tina_

We had this talk yesterday, Artie. Read above if you want an answer.

_Artie_

Just did so... Yeah, I had kind of arrived at the conclusion we were sticking around here because Finn's life is more important myself.

_Brittany_

Wy r u all tiping evrything?

Wee r u all tipping everything?

_Tina_

Um, started as a thing to record what is going on with Finn's suicide attempt. It's gotten a bit out of control.

_Artie_

And Britt, you must be educated on the perils of Microsoft spellcheck.

_Santana_

Leave her alone, Abrams.

_Artie_

Hey, just saying.

_Brittany_

? Rant they treeing toe help me?

_Artie_

"Treeing"? That's a word?

_Tina_

Okay, turning spellcheck off.

_Brittany_

Wy? That woz helping me!

_Rachel_

Brittany, mind if I take the opportunity to explain the difference between the automatic programming of Microsoft Word and the subtleties and nuance of human language.

_Brittany_

...ok.

_Tina_

For the record, Rachel is now trying to explain to Brittany, who looks absolutely _terrified_.

I'm like ninety percent sure Rachel's just trying to distract herself anyway. Can't blame her. As I said before, this really, really sucks. Artie, if you ever do this to me, I will kill you.

_Artie_

Duly noted.

_Santana_

Hey, if she talks to Britt she doesn't look at me. So I feel less bad, so...

_Quinn_

You okay, Santana?

_Santana_

Are you?

_Quinn_

Fair point.

_Artie_

...awkward...

_Quinn_

Hey, if Finn wakes up

_Santana_

Could you not say 'if'?

_Quinn_

Look, I know it sucks, but it's _not_ certain he will. I can't be bothered denying it. Anyway, if he does... do you think he'll blame us?

_Santana_

What?

_Quinn_

Me and you, we both know we blame ourselves. I'm sure a lot of other people also do, but haven't brought it up yet. Do you think he'd blame us too?

_Santana_

...I dunno. We don't actually know why he's done this anyway; we're just speculating and insisting it's all our fault. We could be wrong.

_Quinn_

This is why suicide notes are occasionally useful. Hell, maybe there's some grand catastrophe none of us know about that was his entire reason for doing this, and all our theorizing on how our actions affected him is wrong, and none of our shit was in any way relevant.

_Santana_

If that was true, I would be so pissed at him, just for making me feel guilty like this.

_Quinn_

Would have been nice if he'd left an explanation.

_Tina_

Yeah, uh, how dare he be so insensitive when he's trying to end his own life in a fit of despair.

_Quinn_

Okay, yes, that sounded bad. But I want to know why he did it, and how much I have to hate myself because of it. Don't you?

_Tina_

No offense, but I don't really understand why it would be my fault.

_Quinn_

I meant mainly the first bit. He was your friend. Maybe not all that close, but still, friend. It's killing you that this happened; you know it is. You want to know why he did it, and you want to know exactly how you should have prevented it so you have an excuse to feel guilty. Everyone's going through that, Tina.

_Tina_

...Stop psychoanalysing me. I mean, you're right, but cut it out anyway.

_Artie_

Okay, so, raise your hand if you find this all weird?

_Puck_

Mr. Schue, stop staring. Read the damn document. And this typing with one hand thing HURTS.

_Will_

...Oh. Yeah, I think this is weird too.

_Brittany_

I doent get it.

_Santana_

What don't you get, Britt?

_Brittany_

Wyde he doo it? He's Finn. He's happy, rite?

_Artie_

For the benefit of the document, a massive awkward pause is occurring.

_Rachel_

...We thought so, Brittany. I guess we were incorrect.

_Santana_

Well, duh, Berry.

_Kurt_

This is ridiculous.

For the 'benefit of the document', I would like to say several hours have passed, and everyone's gone home. Dad and Carole are here with me now. They haven't read the document so far, for which I am grateful. Tina left her laptop behind, and I'm going to give it to her once we leave, but... For now I'm just writing.

This just sucks, okay? I can't deal with it. I want Finn to be okay, and I can't shake the feeling that he won't be, and I _know_ it's at least a little my fault. I've been pissy all day, but I just...

It _really_ sucked when they were going on about reasons and how useful suicide notes are. Because really, how exactly are you meant to deal with people complaining about the lack of a note when you've got the note they want scrunched in your pocket and the explanation it gives is killing you?


	4. 29th of October

29th of October

_Puck_

HUMMEL. DUDE.

_Tina_

Hey, don't steal my laptop! I always start these things. And what's – KURT. OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL?

_Kurt_

What?

_Puck_

Don't play dumb. We have _eyes_. And dude, I know you think I'm dumb and all, but I can _read_.

_Kurt_

That's surprising.

_Tina_

Kurt, cut it out. Why didn't you tell us earlier?

_Puck_

Um, everyone's staring. Explaining now?

_Kurt_

This is why we shouldn't just have all our conversations on a computer screen.

_Tina_

Hypocrite.

_Rachel_

Okay, now the situation has been explained to me and everyone else, I need to say – KURT, WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL US? DIDN'T YOU SEE QUINN AND SANTANA WORRIED ABOUT THEIR RESPONSIBILITY IN THIS WHOLE SITUATION, AND SAYING HOW USEFUL A NOTE EXPLAINING THINGS WOULD BE?

And I apologize for the ugly aesthetic of the extended capitals, but I needed to get that sort of tone across, and I'd feel uncomfortable yelling in a _hospital_.

_Kurt_

Rachel, I'm sorry. But it's... hard.

_Santana_

So, will you _actually_ show us that note now?

_Kurt_

I don't have it anymore.

_Puck_

Dude, from the look on your face, I _so_ don't believe you.

_Kurt_

Well, good for you, because I'm lying.

_Santana_

...Then... Okay, now Mr. Schue is telling me to piss off.

_Tina_

Want to write that down? ...Because that's what we're doing; we're trying to cover what's going on on the computer screen. Why? I don't know.

_Will_

Alright, fine. Everyone: back off. Kurt: you don't have to tell us about the note if you don't want to.

_Kurt_

...No, it's fine. None of it's really _personal_, to me anyway, and it's all about stuff we more or less already know, so...

_Artie_

Okay, everyone's reading over the note and gasping and the like, and it's understandable, because Finn got really fucked up without any of us noticing – but _anyway_, I think I'll type it out for you here. Correcting his spelling and grammar as well, because it's _Finn_.

"So. Hey guys.

I know. This doesn't make any sense. I mean, it's me. Finn. Finn Hudson. I'm not depressed. I'm too stupid to be depressed, right? Ha ha.

Okay, I'm making myself sound a hell of a lot more angry than I am. Don't worry guys, this isn't your fault. This isn't one of those notes where I'm just like "YOU HAVE MURDERED ME, MURDERED ME, MURDERED ME," like the dude in that musical about Jesus Rachel made me watch.

I guess, I'm just trying to explain. You know, why I didn't. Because it's not going to make any sense to you all and I _know_ it.

Okay, I don't really know when this started. I mean, I know it was _there_ by the time babygate hit – but please, Quinn, Puck, _don't_ blame yourselves. You guys are my friends now; I'm over it. Plus, it was sort of already lingering there, so we're cool.

It's just this... feeling, you know? This feeling that _everything's_ wrong, that _you're_ wrong, and you just can't stop it. I know, it doesn't make sense. I mean, things for me are pretty awesome, right? I have good friends. I have an amazing girlfriend – seriously, Rach, you rock. I love the family situation I'm in now, and we don't even have money issues or anything. So, only, I don't _know_ why I feel like this and I'm just being a whiny piece of shit.

Seriously, it's not like I'm even a _good_ person doing this. If you guys all have some kind of crazy dance party once you find out I'm dead, I so won't blame you. I mean, let's look at the history: most of you guys, I spent like, _forever_ being one of those jock douches who made your lives hell. Puck, man, I spent like, half a year avoiding you and/or trying to make your life hell the best I could (which wasn't very _good_, so you probably didn't notice). Kurt – man, where do I even start with you? I was a dick to you for years. I really sucked at dealing with you liking me; just pretending nothing was going on and I hadn't noticed, and just hanging you out to dry. And then I totally flipped and was _such_ an asshole to you; I mean, your dad had to kick me out, for Christ's sakes. And Rach... man, I am the worst boyfriend ever. Well, actually, I haven't been so bad dating you _now_, but before we actually got together... man I sucked. I mean, I led you on for months even though I was dating Quinn, when we _were_ together the first time I dumped you for the sake of the reputation, and then I had the audiocity (was that the word?) to ask for you back? Why the hell _did_ you go back to me, anyway?

Okay, yeah, I bet you're all thinking none of this was so bad, or that I'm taking things out of context, or you're just coming up with excuses for me. But you can stop now. I don't mind.

Anyway, Rachel, confession time, because I'm too much of a fucking coward to do this out loud. Sorry. I tried, like, when I was planning this so I wouldn't go with you still not knowing, but I'm a fucker so I couldn't bring myself to do it. So you get to hear – well, not hear, but you know what I mean – from this. I'm really sorry, Rach.

I lied to you. I mean, I lied just by leaving something out (there's a word for that, isn't there?), but I think it still counts.

I slept with someone, okay? Except for you, because, well, barring aliens wiping your memory or something you already _knew_ I slept with you. I mean, I didn't do it while we were dating. But still – you thought I was a virgin, like you when we... I lied to you.

You know, I _just_ figured out that Mom and like, my family in general will be reading this because, well, they're in my house and are going to be the ones to find it. Awkward. Still, my mom was cool when she thought I'd knocked Quinn up, so she should be okay with the idea of me having The Sex. Hopefully, they'll pass the message on to you... but they probably won't. Uh, maybe Kurt will?

Anyway, I'm not telling you _who_, because it's so not her fault. She didn't do anything wrong; she just wanted to get laid, and there's nothing wrong with that. I was the one who knew it was a bad idea, and I should have said no, but... I was dumb, and freaked out by my virgin status, and I wanted to make you jealous. So I did it. And I'm really, really sorry. And now, just walking around, knowing how much you trusted me – enough to, you know – and knowing that I don't deserve it? Come on, I couldn't do that.

Okay, this is all stupid and whiny and I'm sorry. Seriously, I've been like that for ages. I mean, it got kind of hilarious at our house – seeing the shit Kurt went through, stuff where he'd really actually seem to need people, but nope, he's fine. And there I am, feeling like shit about... actually, no idea what. It was pathetic, really.

So, uh, I guess that's that then. Not really sure how to finish this off. Sucks.

Anyway, bye. I love you all, try not to be too pissed at me

- Finn."

...And I guess that's that then.

_Tina_

now bpuckj is breaking things and i'm trying tokeep my lsaptop safe; hencethe typos.

_Artie_

He's stopped, it's safe.

_Tina_

And now he's yelling at Quinn.

_Artie_

Rough transcript, 'cause no-one'll write this down:

**Puck:** You were right all along–  
**Quinn:** Puck–  
**Puck:** We were idiots, we started this–  
**Quinn:** Puck, he said–  
**Puck:** Don't tell me what he said! It started with us and it's our fault; we let this–  
**Kurt:** PUCK, SHUT UP

_Tina_

Cue awkward silence.

_Will_

Guys, cut it out.

_Artie_

We're just trying to get the story, Mr. Schue.

_Quinn_

I'm going to say something here. You know how I was blaming myself before? To hell with that. I mean, obviously what I did affected things. But I was one factor out of many, and clearly the problem was there before and after I was fucking him over. Finn needed help, and I really wasn't, but I'm not going to say I was what pushed him over the edge.

_Will_

None of us were, Quinn; that's the way depression works.

_Tina_

Puck? You want to say something? Preferably without destroying my laptop in the process.

_Puck_

Fine. You wanna know something? You're all kidding yourselves. Thinking like everything he said up there means it's no-one's fault in particular, so it's _no-one's fault_. Dude, it's _everyone's_ fault – did you not hear? Me, Quinn, 'Tana, Berry, Hummel: we _all_ fucked him over. You guys can stay in LaLa land as long as you like, but I'm through.

_Kurt_

And now he's storming out. And I thought I was melodramatic.

_Tina_

He's wrong. Speaking of which, Kurt, from my interpretation of the note – why is this killing you? What did you do that was so wrong? ...And I'm asking this on the screen because I think it'll be easier to answer honestly.

_Kurt_

Isn't it obvious? He needed help. He needed help from our family more than anything. But I was so caught up with my issues; whining about them when really, I was fine. I got everyone else caught up with them too, and you know Finn, he'd never be able to say when he was struggling. Especially if he didn't even know why. He needed someone and thanks to me, no-one was there.

_Tina_

Kurt! This isn't your fault. Your life really sucks a lot of the time, and it's okay if you complain about that. Yes, Finn needed help and he probably doesn't get it, but that has nothing to do with you – more than one person can have problems at any one time, Kurt. Speaking of which, how was anyone meant to tell how bad off he was in the _first_ place? Even the people who avoid you when they can didn't notice anything, like Rachel there. This is not your fault.

_Santana_

Okay, I'm totally cutting in, but I don't actually care, so I'm just gonna say: the way I see it, he asked us not to blame ourselves. So I'm not going to. That simple.

_Tina_

...That's actually a really good mission statement, Santana.

_Artie_

You know, we should probably leave and like, go to school. This is the fourth day; we can't get away with this forever.

_Will_

I've already called in sick. Can you even get to school on time?

_Artie_

It's only like, quarter past seven. Easy.

_Will_

...I always forget that you don't need to be there as early as I do.

_Tina_

Most of the time you're late anyway, Mr. Schue.

_Rachel_

But what if he wakes up and he's alone? ..."Has he woken up in the last three days?" Thanks for cheering me up, Artie.

_Will_

Well, I'll still be here. And why are we not having this conversation in reality?

_Kurt_

Because everyone's given up on acting normally, and trying to resist the pull of the document is considered evidence of emotional instability. I should probably stay too, as representative of family.

_Rachel_

I want to stay with him.

_Kurt_

Then stay.


End file.
